12/31/10
























http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_7aTFzmpiM-8/TPwXrX7QyYI/AAAAAAAAEMY/1Y9mQxa34RU/s1600/winter+fog+lake.jpg

I saw a fog today that doesn't even compare to this one. And no one was there to see it except for me. Absolutely beautiful.

12/27/10

Succumb to Apathy?

"Satan is taking 2011 off because humans are doing well enough without him."

Or somethin similar to that.

I'm such a failure.
I lean on forgiveness.
And ignore the casualties of spiritual warfare on my account.

I don't deserve this.

So long I had a passion and drive, and God fulfilled all of my emptiness.
Then I looked for new things to fill it and pushed Him aside.

Now I'm consumed with an addiction to sexual action and thoughts, regardless of the fact that I'm still a virgin.

"I am the sheep that got lost and there is no turning back. I’m as mad as hell. There’s no place to run. I’m without the One who made me though I’m not sure I was ever with Him. There’s no place to run. I’m without the One who made me though I’m not sure I was ever with Him. Oh God, oh my God. Oh God, where are You now. Oh my God, where are You now. Oh God, oh my God. Here’s where I stand. Removed and cursed. Where is Your holy communion now. There is no turning back. I won’t be back. There is no turning back. I won’t be back."
-Depravity


Why do I feel like I relate to this?


Jesus.


If you can heal...










I have the ears to hear.


I'm too jaded to care most of the time.
I'm too scared to run from it all.
I've truly let my apathetic outlook and attitude get the best of me.


I'm not the innocent, spirit-driven kid I used to be.
I'm not the faithful, persistent, focused man I need to be.


Look at what I've become...
I look in the mirror and, unlike most people, I recognize the face.
Worn and lost.
I just ask that face, "What have we done? We are we becoming?"




I'm watching all my friends fall.
I can't stand it.
But they won't let me in.
And when they do, I had already given up.
Because I feel as though I don't make a difference.
That I'm powerless.

Christ, I do not understand you.
Our hearts repulse you at every chance.
All we do is reject you.
How do you have hope?
How are you not so hurt that you give up?

You're truly a God of love.
I love you so much, I can't even understand it.
Even though I'm so weak, you make me strong.
You give me the ability to love despite my shortfallings.

I wanna say I won't let you down again.
But sadly, I don't have that faith in myself.
I'm just not going to lie to you.
I don't WANT to let you down again.
I want my heart to want you, and nothing else.






Carve this on my heart.

12/17/10

Corroded (in progress)

I'm covered in filth again
Poisoned by the ways of man
Guilt-ridden confession
Where do I begin?

I know my transgressions
And I'm the cause for the lack of their end
I bring dissent on myself
I cause my soul and body to fight
Give me some self-control
I can't seem to find it in myself any more
Bring me the blood and bread
Let me eat and find a place to rest

12/8/10

By the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of Our Testimony...

God has really been shining on me and helping me figure out how to live again.
I put all my problems out of my control for the longest time.
Sometimes I used unsolvable problems as an excuse to be hopeless, when the reality is the problems I substituted can't happen, so no wonder I assumed my life was indefinitely bleak.

I assumed I could never have any self-control within myself to overcome my lustful tendencies.
Truth is, I actually make those choices of staring and fantasizing and acting on those ambitions...
I CAN actually not do those things, I can even physically!
It's all a matter of my willingness to actually follow through and abstain.
As a result of this realization, God's victory over my lust is becoming clearer and clearer every day.
We will overcome.

My loneliness, a popular issue in my life, is a bit unrealistic, now that I look at it from outside the fog of idolatry.
I was so convinced that being in love or having a girlfriend or even a one night stand or something would take away the emptiness I felt.
The pain was very real, there is no question.
However, I feel I fed this problem much more than I should have,
a bit like watering weeds along with the rest of a garden.
I placed more faith in "love" or another person more than I did in my God, who is always faithful, and ALWAYS loving.
It kinda comes back to the lust ordeal, I was just looking for satisfaction. Now.
With my focuses changed and my blessings realized,
We will overcome.

What have you overcome? What WILL you overcome?

12/5/10

Now that's What I Call Family

The Family open-house was an absolute success. Sure, the evening had its dull spots, in rough edges, contemplation of its very purpose... But like a real, imperfect family, we pulled through any bit of uncertainty and dashed away any slight insecurity. I am proud to call these friends a part of my family, I can only hope we stay this close; never to drift away or be torn apart. Christ brought us together, and I'm sticking with these people until He puts us on our separate paths.

11/28/10

Declaration

From this day forward I will abstain from and remove any and all lustful habits wrought into me throughout my lifetime.

This will never happen without support and a clear choice on my own, but I'm taking a stand...


Deuteronomy 8:3

3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.

11/22/10

Hating Homework

1. Correct speech outline.
2. Make 3 visual aid slides.
3. Write note-cards and develop spoken speech.
4. Practice speech.
5. Organize history folder.


I am so fahreaking stressed

11/21/10

Speech Outline

Title: Willful Ignorance: The Rejection of Truth

Specific Purpose: By the end of my speech the audience will be motivated to learn topics of knowledge, opinion, and faith with an open mind.

The Speech Itself
Introduction

I.  ATTENTION

Attention Getter: There has been an estimated 11 million to 17 million people who were persecuted during the Holocaust CITE SOURCE. But can you believe there are many people in this world, including the President of Iran, who deny that the Holocaust had even happened? This, my friends, is the product of people who choose to be ignorant. And while this may seem to be a bit extreme in terms of ignorance, I want to shine some light that this same type of ignorance has been applied practically to our lifestyles.

Relate to Audience/Give Reason to Listen:   Have you ever found yourself desperately trying to have a friend see something from your point of view? Have you ever had that friend blindly disagree with you? They may have used terms such as “Oh, well I believe what I believe, and I will never change my mind, sorry.” It’s this type of ignorance that deprives this world of truth and brings about closed-minded attitudes such as racism, homophobia, and just plain hatred. Remember the WBC who just came to our school? They create a perfect example of ignorant, narrow-minded people.

Establish Credibility:  You can trust that I am credible on this topic, as I strive to be as open-minded as possible in my own life, and I’ve been trying to advocate a death to ignorance through my passions in life. I’ve also done much research to determine where the lines of opinion of mind and facts of truth are drawn, and I’ve been determined to set them straight.

Central Idea:  Accepting all ideas with an intuitive and open mind will enhance relationships and personal philosophy greatly.

Preview Main Points: Today we’ll go over the main points of addressing the virus of ignorance:

Need/Problem- When people aren’t open-minded, they create a void that separates diverse ideas and people.

Satisfaction/Solution- Open-mindedness will eliminate the issues of ignorance.

Visualization Benefits and/or Consequences- Through open-mindedness we will come together as a community of human beings and expand the quality and purpose of our lives. Through ignorance, we will forever be distanced from another.

Signpost/Transition: So with that being said, let’s dive straight into the problems we’re having with narrow-minded mentality.

II. NEED/PROBLEM- When people aren’t open-minded, they create a void that separates diverse ideas and people.

A.      People deny absolute truths of our world through ignorance. CITE SOURCE 

1.      Through closed-minded thinking, people deny events or happenings throughout history. VISUAL AID
2.      Narrow-minded attitudes have closed off many people from the findings of science and other factual sources of knowledge.

B.     Hateful attitudes spawn from ignorance. CITE SOURCE          

1.      Narrow-minded attitudes are the reasoning behind spiteful prejudices, like racism. VISUAL AID
2.       Narrow-minded attitudes are the reasoning behind spiteful actions, such as hate crimes and war.

C.     Selfishness comes from closed minds. CITE SOURCE   

1.      Staying only within one’s comfortable beliefs causes them only to think of their benefit.
a.      Factual information is twisted from this attitude.
b.      Relationships are torn apart from closed-mindedness.

Signpost/Transition: Now that you’ve heard the complicated issue we have on our hands, here’s how to take care of it.

III. SATISFACTION/SOLUTION- Open-mindedness will eliminate the issues of ignorance.

A.      Take an approach towards new ideas that is accepting and thoughtful.

1.      When it comes to arguments, put yourself in your arguer’s shoes.
a.         Be considerate of both your limited perspectives.
b.         Be an active listener.
c.         Seek a peaceful agreement between the two while maintaining a sense of truth (agree to disagree doesn’t cut it).
2.      When it comes to newly introduced information, consider it right until you can prove it wrong factually.
a.      Research from unbiased sources is necessary to making correct conclusions.
b.      If you cannot find enough evidence to support a fact to be right or wrong, come to the conclusion that it is either partially correct or needs further research.

B.     Reflect on your own views or opinions; question your reasoning or motives.

1.      If you think there is fault within a view or opinion you have, determine the origin, personal history, and reasoning associated with that belief.
2.      If you have ideals, attitudes, or beliefs that have never changed or never questioned, don’t be afraid to question them.
a.      Seek the benefits of newfound knowledge.
b.      Be sure your views are made on a solid foundation.
c.      Accept the idea of possibly being wrong, but see it as an opportunity for new horizons.

C.     Contrary to popular belief, you can have your own unique set of ideals and opinions while still keeping an open mind. (Identify and refute an objection)
1.      Truth as a priority will shape your system of beliefs and keep an open-mind simultaneously.
2.      There is a difference between fact and opinion, the truth is NOT what you define it to be.
a.      Truth comes with evidence or proof.
b.      Opinions are things that cannot be proven, but do not necessarily need to be wrong or right.
c.      The theory of Relativity contradicts itself.

Signpost/Transition: Now that we know how to think outside of our boxes, let’s see how this will affect us.

IV. VISUALIZATION: BENEFITS and/or CONSEQUENCES - Through open-mindedness we will come together as a community of human beings and expand the quality and purpose of our lives. Through ignorance, we will forever be distanced from another.



A.      With an open-minded attitude, biases will not interfere with learning new information.
1.      Open-mindedness (learning without bias) eases accepting historical, scientific, and philosophical facts.
2.      Open-mindedness grants the ability to see some degree of truth in almost everything.
3.      Personal beliefs and ideas can be enlightened through open-minded thinking.
B.     Through open-minded thinking, hateful attitudes can be eliminated and relationships will flourish.
1.      Open-minds are accepting of all types of people and can be very easy to get along with.
2.      Open-minds are able to hear the opinions and see the perspectives of others without rebutting with aggressive, ignorant tendencies.
C.     Without open-mindedness, ignorance will flourish and selfish ideals will dominate.
1.      If every person were to simply be ok with their own beliefs and no others, hateful and inconsiderate attitudes rooted in ignorance would be unchallenged.
2.      Narrow-minded lifestyles leave hardly any room for expanded ideas.
a.      Life becomes dull to its soul and damaging to others for one who rejects change.
b.      No new ideas come from stagnant thinking.

Signpost/Transition to Signal End:  Now let’s summarize the big picture of open-mindedness.

Conclusion 

V.  ACTION Step YOU must apply this way of thinking to advocate any change that comes with open-mindedness.

Restate Central Idea: Accepting all ideas with an intuitive and open mind will enhance relationships and personal philosophy greatly.

Summarize Main Points:  Now remember that we have gone over…

Need/Problem- When people aren’t open-minded, they create a void that separates diverse ideas and people.

Satisfaction/Solution- Open-mindedness will eliminate the issues of ignorance.

Visualization Benefits and/or Consequences- Through open-mindedness we will come together as a community of human beings and expand the quality and purpose of our lives. Through ignorance, we will forever be distanced from another.


Provide Closure: Now, being who I am, I love to share my opinions and beliefs with other people; they’re what make us more than animals. For example, I’m a Christian, I have learned the Word of God through the Bible, the Truth that comes from it, and that Jesus Christ did live and die for me. A narrow-minded version of me would tell you right now that you need to believe and listen to me, and I wouldn’t hear any differences you may have with me. But an open-minded me would just tell you that I would be happy to share with you my personal experiences with my relationship with God, and how life-changing that relationship is. I would also be open to discuss with you any feeling you may have as well. The open-minded persona is the one I wish to take, not the ignorant, rude, closed-minded one.

Immediate Call to Action: Before you leave this classroom today, write down or take a mental note of something you’ve always questioned, then seek an answer with an open-minded attitude. There are so many things to expand your mind on, such as your feelings toward rap or metal music, or what makes abortion justifiable. A personal example, I wondered for years if the Bible was historically accurate. Ever since I sought out the answer to that question I’ve found it’d take more faith to believe in anything else.

 Documentation (List in MLA Format)

Niewyk, Donald L., and Nicosia, Francis R. The Columbia Guide to the Holocaust.
New York: Columbia University Press, 2000

“Iranian leader denies Holocaust.” BBC NEWS 14 Aug. 2005. <http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/4527142.stm>
Westboro Baptist Church Home Page 21 Nov. 2010 < http://www.godhatesfags.com/index.html>
Stephen Hawking: the closed mind of a dogmatic atheist. 2005. 21 November 2010. < http://creation.com/images/pdfs/tj/j19_3/j19_3_29-33.pdf>


...I'm Actually ENJOYING HOMEWORK!

I'm doing a speech on open-mindedness, and the research I've been doing is absolutely fascinating.
I plan on posting my outline as soon as I'm done with it.
To make sure this post isn't COMPLETELY useless, here's some wiki articles on theories relating to truth. Note that I don't completely support all these theories or how they're explained, but I would rather YOU read through some of them and comment on your reactions to them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truth

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relativism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_absolutism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Universality_(philosophy)

Have funnnnnnn!

11/18/10

The New Born Wonder by APFP

http://www.myspace.com/apleaforpurging/music/albums/the-marriage-of-heaven-and-hell-16114965






I’m lost without a sound, but I have ears to hear.

God, I’m weak and I’m tired, and I want this fighting in my head to stop.
They say, "Hang it up young man". They say, "Hate only leaves you cold and alone".

I’m too jaded to care, too scared to run. I let my apathy get the best of me.
I’m too jaded to care, too scared to run. I let my apathy get the best of me.

Well, Jesus, if you can heal, I have the ears to hear (have the ears to hear).
Sing a sweet sweet song to my ear. ’Cause I pray I haven’t fallen too far.

I’m too jaded to care, too scared to run. I let my apathy get the best of me.
I’m too jaded to care, too scared to run. I let my apathy get the best of me.

I’m lost... lost without a sound. I’m lost... lost... lost without a sound.
I’m lost... lost without a sound. I’m lost... lost... lost without a sound.
I’m lost... lost without a sound. I’m lost... lost... lost without a sound. I’m lost...

My God, if you can heal, I have the ears to hear. My God, if you can heal, I have the ears to hear.
My God, if you can heal, I have the ears to hear.

I’m not the same kid I used to be. I’m not the man that I need to be.
Look at what I’ve become. Look at what you’ve become.
Look at what we’ve become. Look at what this has made me become.

11/17/10

Hey Ameerah,

On Thursday, we should write something.

P.S. WE STILL NEED TO INVITE EVAN TO YOUTH GROUP!

11/11/10

"Do not pray as the hypocrites do..."

Praying alone... the best thing you can possibly do. Your not really alone since your with God during prayer, but boy oh boy, the impact.
I've been reading this book  and it's been very very helpful in strengthening my prayer life. The book emphasizes on physically speaking and crying out to God during prayer when you pray alone (or among others, but it focuses on personal prayer life) and at first, I thought the whole thing was a bunch of baloney. But truthfully, to vocalize what's on your heart really shows the sincerity in your prayers and reaches out in faith, both things God wants to see when you talk to Him.

I'd really encourage everyone I know to pray out loud, and when it comes to whatever you pray about, don't be emotionless or monotone. If you're angry, scream it out! If your sad, bawl and whine and be honest with God. Sincerity in your prayers should be your focus, don't try to make them sound fancy. A man who prays like a caveman but really means it has a better relationship with God than the linguistic man who refuses to be honest with God.

5 “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7 And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.



 9 “This, then, is how you should pray:

   “‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
10 your kingdom come,
your will be done,
   on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us today our daily bread.
12 And forgive us our debts,
   as we also have forgiven our debtors.
13 And lead us not into temptation,[a]
   but deliver us from the evil one.[b]’"


PLEASE DO NOT PRAY THE ABOVE EXAMPLE WORD FOR WORD LIKE A MANTRA!

That is NOT what Christ was getting at, He meant to pray what was meant throughout the verse. The thanks, provision, requests, deliverance, forgiveness, the CONTENT of the prayer is the focus, not the structure.

11/6/10

Addicts Don't Get Better

Until they're open to the help they need.

10/30/10

I Believe

The most beautiful music is melodically dissonant.

SPEECH BREAK!

http://www.bandsonfire.com/hearts-on-fire/articles/english/article/sleeping-giant-video-interview-3900


Sweet Sleeping Giant interview, get a half hour enlightenment on some Biblical principles these guys apply to their lives.


More of a mini-sermon than an interview!

Musical Projects

Bands I don't play with anymore
Dissention (January 2008-November 2009)
Prairie Avenue Youth Worship Team (2007-2009)
"The Unknown" (Late 2009- April or May 2010)

Current
New Life Street Team (April 2010- Present)
Whales With Teeth (August 2010- Present)
The Reckless Pursuit (August 2010- Present)
Death 0tter (Late 2008- Present)
Rallonbert (2009-Present, Off and On)

I still really want to join/start a hxc/metalcore/brutal band.

10/29/10

Warp yo mind

blublu.org

Watch the video muto :D

10/28/10

So I tried to make an account on that site...

Too many strings attached... so I will make my reply here.

Just take in the prior knowledge you failed to research about Impending Doom through any lyrics, interviews, or other reliable source. Their approach in spreading the gospel can be found in these lyrics:

Silence the Oppressors

To the following Christians listen closely.
We bring our light to a new realm, a realm you dare not enter,
Passing judgment behind stone walls, behind your absence of understanding.
We will crush your walls that dictate where our ministry goes,
Don't you ever tell me I'm using God as a gimmick.
I'm not a heretic, I'm not a hypocrite;
Those insults make me sick from the ones I have fellowship with.
We aren't doing this for our own, but for one name holy and alone.
These venues are our church,
We are the gospel in the darkness, and this is our exaltation.
We are the gospel in the darkness; we bring our light to a new realm,
A realm you dare not enter, passing judgment behind stone walls,
Behind your absence of understanding.
Are you listening!!!
We'll crush the walls that dictate where our ministry goes,
This is our church, this is our worship, GORSHIP!


"Boosh Dingo" in order of all of your visual posts, starting with the Sonshine 2010 video

Sonshine festival is a Christian festival, meant for spirit-filled bands. The audience is there to participate in worship lead by these bands, Impending Doom being one of them. Don't you think if these organizers of an all-ages festival dedicated to serving the Lord would do a bit of research, background check, interview, etc. to make a fair-judgement if the bands should participate in their festival? The "baphomet sign" you pointed out the crowd using, has a meaning that, in this day and age, is completely user defined. At any metal show I have been in (both Christian AND secular) they're never defined as blasphemy or "devil horns", but as metal hands, metal horns, rock horns, something to show appreciation for the music.

Inverted Cross shirt:
St. Peter was crucified UPSIDE DOWN
Debtor, the name on this logo, is one of the most spirit-filled hardcore bands I have ever listened to. Their theology is Biblical, solid. Do you consider martyrdom as blasphemy? Because I've only known of MARTYRS FOR CHRIST being crucified upside. Whatever movement to take upside crucifixes as rebellion against God only more gave truth the The Beatitudes of Jesus As in Matthew 5 10-12 NIV:

"10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
      for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
 11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."


Upside-crosses should be more understood as a symbol of martyrdom, which any who claims to be a disciple of Christ should be willing to accept upon themselves. There is more Biblical precedence for an upside-down crucifix than the spiritually-dead cathedral in my town, where symbolism (idolatry) and "doing the right thing" are god, NOT Christ.


T-shirt: Do you not notice the dead "priest" with the dollar symbols right in front of the ouroboros? The picture is rebuking the Catholic idolatry of saints. 




Look similar? Catholicisms portrayal and philosophies on the saints are NOT Biblical by any means, they're pure, textbook idolatry. I could go on and on about how twisted the theology of the Catholic church is, but the point is that Impending Doom is pointing out the true nature of these images. The ouroboro you pointed out is the saint's halo. Do the math.

The picture after that is NOT the same band, it's a band from GERMANY. 

Read your pictures before you post them, realize that the Impending Doom band of the subject is this one: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impending_Doom

SO the next logo could quite easily be more related to the German band than the US band.

And that last video does not stand for any support in your argument, you cannot see hardly any of the symbols to which you are trying to point out. EVEN IF, they were there, you must understand that Christian Hardcore/Metal/Core bands who establish themselves as bold Christians will use bold statements. Just as Christ was called a heretic for crimes of "blasphemy" which were blatantly proven wrong, these bands undergo the similar, if not the criticism. They take the themes, music, art form etc., which were predominantly open to artistic interpretation, pushed into satanic stereotypes, and reach out to youth who would naturally be attracted to the themes. An even better purpose yet, they'll prove the ignorance of modern "Christians" and how set in tradition and shallow theology they are.

The symbols Impending Doom uses are used in rebellion to satan, as the satanic symbols were originally against God.

Do not be so blind. Check your own faith, check your own Biblical knowledge, find wisdom in it.

Give Me One Reason...

to NOT make an account to whatever site this is and shed some light on ignorant, typical "Christian" logic

http://theindustry.yuku.com/reply/38501/t/Re-Repentagram-Band-Impending-Doom-Christian-Metal.html

4 semesters of hard work...

myspace.com/death0tter

(it's music, good music might I add. I made it toooooo)

Oh hey

HOE, I JUST GOT A T SHIRT

10/24/10

I'm Trying, and Failing

But for the first time in a very long time, I have hope in  your work in me.

I seek immediate repentance
Consistent resistance
Growth
Renewal

10/20/10

Build a Monument

Make a commemoration to what God has done in your life whenever He moves.

Don't let the rocks cry out.

10/17/10

God

Obviously I'm not in as much need as I need for you to help me.
I'm not crying out to you loud enough.
My notes don't match the appropriate consonance to catch your ear.
This pain doesn't ache badly enough for the need to be healed.
It's just right in the middle.

Not small enough to go away.
Not big enough for any type of intervention.


But this is all my own fault.
I took all this into my own hands.
And just as before, I have failed myself.
And when I cry out to you, I can never understand,
Why I don't stop feeling lonely.
Why I just want to hide away from every person I know (no one excluded from that)
And never get the false hope that I'll pull through.
Because I won't.
And I'm sick of being teased by optimism.

Please prove me wrong.

You Will Never Notice Me

And I'll never stop trying

10/8/10

Organize history folders

10/6/10

Stuff I need to do this 3 day weekend



^^^^^Song to listen to while you read :)


  • Get string ensemble bass book
  • Get science notebook
  • IB Math Studies HW
  • Write Essay 3 for Eng. 101 (Rough Draft) (Final Draft)
  • Respond to workshop essays
  • Write a bazillion RRs
  • Write an outline for Speech class
  • Re-record and master almost 2 dozen songs
  • Not let the world get to me

10/4/10

Cleanse me from impurity
Remove this heart of stone

1:52

10/3/10

While You are Reading This

You could be making something happen, as opposed to waiting for something to happen.

"We can't bring about change if apathy prevails
But if we can learn to look past ourselves, past our mediocre lives
we can begin to hope to make a difference.
One life is all we have
To stand up and be counted.
To see that this is all worth something
And we will start to see the change.


And we'll become the change."
-The End of Apathy by Take It Back!

Fasting

From Facebook starting today 10/3/10 to a minimum of 2 weeks, but I'm shooting for a month.
I waste so much time on that website waiting for conversation to happen, and it always leads me down undesirable paths. I want to take the time I spent there and devote it to God.

And I'm done with Tumblr. It is a bigger waste of time and is too much engrossed in worldly values for me to be comfortable with when I'm alone.

I'll be on blogger, hxcchristian.com/forum, Skype (falloneus), and my cell phone. And email fallonbraddy@gmail.com
Myspace is NOT a big deal though, I just go on there for music

Goals to accomplish upon fasting:

1. Reread Gospels
2. Not be stressed with homework
3. Do some recording/writing
4. Stage dive
5. Pray. A lot.

And periodically post some "Bible Study" things based on some albums I've been digging lately.

Reflect

There truly is nothing more enlightening than a reflection.
Seeing how you were in the past
Relating where change is absent
Relating where change happened
I truly thought that this blog was just where I posted my feelings of hopelessness
But God truly has made an impact on me in a way I've never seen, but have been so active in.
A relentless motivation to never give up on myself, my God, or this world I've been sent to.
I look at my pain and depravity through a lens of encouragement.

I am not as alone as I feel.
I am as alone as long as I wait behind the rest of you.

I am not as bland as I thought of myself.
I am as bland as the grip of pity is permitted to take hold.

I am not as hopeless as I believed I was.
I am hopeless when I reject the hope that is handed to me.

9/22/10

Hope

Hope and Faith.
Put an end my recurring state of depravity

10-5-08

Found this in an email attachment from freshman year.
Most of it still holds true, except that I try to relinquish control of my life over to GZUS

Project Me Poem
I’m Fallon Braddy
You can spell it however you like, simply because I do the same
My faith in my Savior is the most important thing in my life
It’s not just some concept based off of morals that come from a highly regarded book
It’s the real thing, miracles and all
I’ve seen them, experienced them
God makes me who I am
I’m a natural musician
Music is one of my few talents and passions
To me it’s much more than noise with a meaning
It’s an outlet and way of life
I hope to build my future from it
I am a minimalist sort of person
I enjoy much in life, but I can live on almost nothing
Through fire and lightning, flood and drought
Loss and hate, pain and misery
I have conquered it all, and still do
I will find humor in the stupidest and most serious of things
Laughing keeps me from insanity
I try to be a very social person
Communication is a large aspect of entertainment for me
I try to stay on the half full side
Though sometimes loneliness and failure can get the best of me
It’s important I distract myself from such things to keep me from being consumed
Worrying is one of my biggest problems
I can worry about anything and everything
The hard part for me is learning to handle the things I worry about
I also tend to procrastinate
Still haven’t figured it out since grade three
There’s absolutely nothing good that comes from it
I’m generally pretty slow and sleepy
I could sleep for days and still be tired
I’m a very trusting person
You can trust me with anything and I will do the same
I can even trust a person despite most bad things they do to me
I’m addicted to MySpace and texting
And they’re habits I choose not to break
I strive to maintain my individuality
I like to have my looks and personality to keep you guessing
The most illegal thing I’ve done is litter
And I’m hoping the most illegal thing I ever do is go over the speed limit
I long for freedom to go where I want and pick more of my responsibilities
Control over my own life is important to me
These are some few things about me
I hope you have more of a clear understanding

What I Wish to Listen to

Is not so much progressive, but rather focused on the moment. If it has anything to do with the past or future I only hope that it's immediate.

And let's keep it instrumental, aight?

8/21/10

Blurrr

I just got my drivers license. I seriously never thought I would get it. I honestly am now getting scared of trying to figure out where my life is going, although I shouldn't be, I've been promised more of a secure future than anyone else I know.

Having a car makes me paranoid. I know I've only had it for one night but I can't even sleep because of all the leftover stress it has given me. Hence why it's six in the morning and I'm the only one awake.

I don't trust myself with new responsibility because I hold myself to such a high standard of not failing it's ridiculous. 

If I have no responsibility, how can I fail?

I don't take up new challenges or go further ahead in life for one of two reasons:

1. I'm scared of failing.
2. I make myself lazy to cover up the fact that I'm scared.

Yet I claim to be ambitious? Yes, you'll come to know my character is very hypocritical and flawed.

I'm just so happy my God isn't. Otherwise He wouldn't be God.

Then I'd have nothing.

8/4/10

If you are a hopeless romantic

and you're single, you will, without question, find yourself in moods where you want to fall in love with every person of the opposite sex who gives you the least bit of attention. You want to marry the ones that ignore you

7/25/10

NLY Camp 2010

Round two of camp for the summer, praying for a week to remember.

7/19/10

Just started reading the 1st letter to the Corinthians. I'm blown away already two chapters in.

7/6/10

If you control all your emotions it makes you a robot. But if you let your emotions control you you're not you.

Where the Shadows Wait (Song lyrics)

Find in life what's right for you.
Know what feels right isn't always true
Kill yourself and resurrect the older you.
Abandon what you know and take what you will.
Revert into your ashes, become a sick bird again.
These old wings are tired, take another dive for your adrenaline.

Go your own way where the shadows wait...
Everybody learns differently,
But try...
not to...
forget...
me...

Tears shed in vain.
But the vanities they prove,
times sure do change.
Why do I feel the same?
Do you even remember your own name?
I only wish that the good would die young.
Although it'd add to the weight of the world,
we rest assured knowing you can't be crushed by it.




Go your own way where the shadows wait...
Everybody learns differently,
But try...
not to...
forget...
me...

Calm this anxious mind.
Steady this racing heart of mine.
It took until now to realize nobody's doin fine.
Your immunities didn't serve you 
T
he bug got right through your system.



These fallow words, are they too lately spoken?


The glimmer in your eyes show you must not be dead!


Reminiscent of that girl is still trapped inside your head!





And she cries...

Free me
Save me
Release me
Can you not see me?

I can see you clear as day
But this is your mirror's play.

Followers